


The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe

by doctahchang



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: F/M, Post-Season/Series 08 Finale, face the raven reference, is this obvious who these the eyebrow girl ans a woman on the microphone were??, the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy references, this world deserves more twissy content, twissy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-09
Updated: 2017-10-09
Packaged: 2019-01-15 09:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12318282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doctahchang/pseuds/doctahchang
Summary: …we’re having a great time. Food, wine, a little personal abuse and the Universe going foom.





	The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe

**Author's Note:**

> An odd fic of mine, and my first attempt to write something in English, so feel free to mark out my mistakes!  
> And of course dedicated to HANNAH BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL

_Give me just one thing with no tail-end and I’d go crazy_

* * *

Actually, it’s the mass culture fault that most people imagine the end (the VERY final one) of the Universe, as something grandiose and romantic: the last planet with the last people, panic-seeking for salvation (don’t know where), all this shit. But for some reason no-one remembers the main law of the universe: where there is humanity, there is a restaurant of not the best quality.

“I do not like a Venusian jelly.”

“I beg your pardon?”

A pair of strangely dressed people (even by the standards of their current surroundings) were sitting at the table and looking at the soon extinguished singularity: she called him to come to the edge of the universe, and he came. It would be pretty lyrical if the lower forms of life didn’t put another dirty dinery even here.

“I said, I do not like Venusian jelly, but you want to order me one. Could have already remembered.”

“Sorry, somehow I didn’t have an opportunity to ask about your gastronomic preferences when I was saving the world from you.”

“Right.”

The Doctor thought that this conversation struggled for a while. He looked at the mucous form of life sitting at a nearby table. It was glowing pink. Probably, he need to say something.

“So, it looks like we are alive again, aren’t we?”

“No, dear, you’ve eaten these mushrooms again and now you are talking to your own hallucination.”

It’s good that such frequent deaths didn’t kill such a charming personality.

“Can I at least try to ask how you survived, or it will be useless?”

Missy smiled sweetly.

“It’s a secret of mine. Girls also need to have their little secrets.”

He still did not know if he was glad to get a message from her (it was pretty obvious who sent it: a banana with the coordinates written on it couldn’t be sent by everyone), or not. Of course, it was quite a relief for the Doctor, but he would rather die than admit it.

“Of course you were glad.”

Yes, the Master was always the best one at the lessons of telepathy, and the Doctor always had the lowest concentration score (he always forgot everything). And probably the thing is not in the Silence.

“It seems like you forgot that I’m Professor Xavier and you are Magneto. Being the good one is my role.”

Of course, they have comic books back on Gallifrey. Even not things like these were found in parcels for her mother from the planet Earth.

“My dear Doctor, it seems like _you_ forgot that mainly yer role is being an idiot. It’s nice that I’m always here to remind you.”

“I have come to the middle of nowhere for you, and all I'm getting in return is reproaches and criticism in my address. Happy that at least something in this universe doesn’t change.”

Missy smiled at him again and turned her attention back to a menu. You could have thought that she was reading it, but it would be strange to reread a simple menu for the tenth time. With all his heart (the left one), the Doctor couldn’t understand why he was here and why he came in the first place.

“I wanted to have lunch with a nice company, but everyone was busy, so I had to call you.”

The Doctor thought that it’s probably better to remind of herself in this way than burning another two planets. Of course, he tried to hide this thought deep in his mind. Of course, he failed. When he heard a sound of ‘use me’ cough at the backwards of his subconscious, he decided to ignore it. The Doctor looked at the clocks: there were forty minutes left for this Universe.

 

Saying truly, the Doctor had never (let me notice this again: _NEVER_ ) done any researches, but if you asked, he would say that they have been familiar with each other for two million four hundred twenty-four thousand two hundred and forty-two gallifreyan days (and four hours). Usually, it’s enough time to build some kind of healthy relationship (even if your partner is your arch enemy), but it seems that it doesn’t work for these two. Sometimes he had no idea what they want from each other, but it’s going to be their four thousand two hundred and fiftieth anniversary soon, so probably there was something. Needless to say, _none_ of them didn’t know about this.

“Strange, we have been here for an hour now, but no-one came to us.”

“Not strange at all, hun. See, there are only thirty minutes left to their final closing, but they are fully booked. Another feature of your lovely pets, have you noticed? All they do before the End is meeting their lowest needs, which is embarrassingly predictable.”

“They are not mine.”

“Who else’s then? You love ‘em all so much.”

He decided to avoid that comment too. Yeah, sometimes he made some proper decisions.

“Finally, we have limited time like ever.”

The Doctor saw that a short girl (saying truly it’s not a girl but her remarkable eyebrows that were seen) was making her way to their table. But when she (finally) had a look at him, she struggled, her eyebrows took a very odd form, but then she decided to continue her way any way. The eyebrows decided to ignore the last comment too.

“Greetings at the end of the Universe. What can I get you?”

Doctor wanted to tell something, but Missy was obviously faster.

“Stable relationship, but I doubt that you can provide me with those. So all we want from you, dear, is two plates of Venusian jelly and a nice bottle of wine, thank you very much.”

“Two plates of Venusian jelly and a bottle of wine, right. Your order will be ready in forty minutes.”

There were twenty-five minutes left for this Universe.

This girl gave him the last odd look and hurried to leave them. The Doctor had an odd feeling too, but he couldn't decide if the thing was in his envy of this girl’s eyebrows or maybe in something else. Probably, it was the first one.

“You said you don’t like Venusian jelly.”

“Things change even in the dying Universe, Doctor. You tell me.”

“Nice.”

There were fifteen minutes left, when the hall filled with a woman’s voice that told their guests a good news: it will all end in fifteen minutes. For some reason Doctor thought that he still hadn’t visit "the second most beautiful garden in all Time and Space" with Clara. He definitely should have got her there.

“Do you know that dust is mostly a dead human skin?”

“Of course I do.”

“It is not true; it consists of a simple dirt. Your little humankind wanted to put them in every prospect of life, even when they are already everywhere as this dirt. Look around, it’s the end of the _whole_ Universe, but the half of visitors are still humans. Probably spent their whole life to be here.”

“For Rassilon’s sake, are you ever happy with something?”

“Well, sometimes it happens. I am changeable, it’s a weakness with me.”

There were only five minutes left when something outrageous (or _not_ ) happened: the red glowing mucous form of life claimed that watching the end of the Universe would disturb their believer’s of Church of the Second Coming of the Great Prophet Zarquon feelings. Others have heard about this, so they all hurried to leave. All in all, it was a splendid evening and it will end in four minutes and fifty-nine seconds (for forever). Only one pair left at the lonely table.

"See, the singularity is burning.”

“Yeah.”

“A strange thing, but I am teensy bit disappointed. Of course, no doubt that it’s only us who would left, but, you know, I imagined this in another way, not in some dirty dinery and with a bottle of an icky wine.”

“I think it’s rather appropriate now.”

“Maybe you are right. It’s the only ending this Universe deserves.”

There were three minutes left. The Doctor couldn’t see any colours, they were not real. It seems like the shadows from the objects started to grow and consume other ones, and the thing is that it was true. The singularity finally blew out and began to change their form outside a window.

“An odd end as for me. What kind of an end is this, if it’s something left after it.”

“People tend to dramatize, dear.”

There were only two minutes left. It was so dark outside that the Doctor didn’t have an idea how he could still see something. He watched how a big scary nothing swallowed up the last star. He finally got emotional, but it was too late.

“Right, thank you for a lovely evening, but it looks like it’s time to go for me now, cause there are only-”

“There is only one minute left.”

“Cause there is only one minute left. I’m a busy time lady, you know, and I do not tolerate loitering. So for now I’m leaving you with your endless ego, the last man in the Universe. See ya soon.”

The Doctor didn’t understand the last words cause they were interrupted with a sound of a working teleport: he stayed on his own. He smiled at the cracked window when he heard a sound of a popping atom.

There were two seconds left when he abandoned this place: there was nothing to breath with. A new born universe will begin in one second.

 

_It’s always happy when there are things with no end._


End file.
